But life was never simple and she twice found herself on the brink of suicide. As she looks forward to better times she tells her story

"I'M not the typical Chinese girl ... some people think we should be seen and not heard," sighs Helen, chopstick poised between beautifully manicured nails in her uncle's restaurant on Sheffield's Matilda Street.
Ebullient, confident Helen may not be the typical Chinese girl but she's certainly typical of 25 per cent of the population who will at some time in their lives suffer from depression.

Helen is today unrecognisable from the woman who revved her car engine on the sixth floor of a Doncaster car park ready to smash through the barriers.

"I'd read in the papers that someone had done it a week before and died. I felt like a failure because I'd lost everything. I was bankrupt, my kids had grown up and were doing really well. I felt I'd done my job as a mum.

"But I thought about the people my car might hit on the way down and it stopped me."

Realising she'd reached crisis point Helen went to see her supportive GP and with friendship and coaching from her solicitor her health slowly improved.

Two years after her lowest ebb, Helen is back on the up and is this week preparing for a law degree interview at Sheffield Hallam University. It's a lifetime dream and could see her fulfil an ambition she's harboured since she was a child.

Helen was born in Hong Kong and was raised by her grandmother until the age of eight. Her parents had come to Britain to make a new life and her brother and three sisters were all born in the UK. She re-joined the family she'd never known but always felt 'different'.

"I didn't have a rapport with my parents and it was emotionally hard," recalls Helen, who worked long hours in the family's take away in Scunthorpe.

"We moved around a lot too - it's hard starting a new school when you're a kid but when you're Chinese and learning English it's even harder.

"It had always been my dream to graduate and wear a cap and gown but, like many Chinese children as the eldest child I was expected to take on responsibilities as my mum and dad didn't speak English. I didn't do too well at school although all my siblings went on to university and that really hurt."

Helen married at 19 and had three children over the next nine years.
"My husband was a graduate. I looked up to him and thought he could help me with my studies. But I feel that in his family's eyes I was never good enough for him."

Helen helped her husband build up their frozen foods business teaching herself how to sell.

"It was tough because within the Chinese community there was a lot of talk. Have you heard of Chinese whispers? Well that's what it was like. Within the Chinese community everyone works in takeaway or food and it's so tight. People said I dressed nicely to attract men or that I should have been staying at home with the kids. There was a lot of prejudice.

"The truth was at the beginning I took the kids with me on sales jobs. I remember breastfeeding my daughter, taking her off, dashing into a shop to try and get a sale then returning to the car crying because I'd failed and latching her back on."

After the birth of her second child, Helen hit rock bottom.

"Looking back it was probably baby blues but I didn't know about that then or that you could get help. One day I climbed up onto the flyover at Balby Bridge in Doncaster and swung my legs over. I was getting pressure from all around and I felt lonely. I had no one to turn to.

"I gripped the barriers tightly and was planning to jump just as a car came along so it would hit me. Then, because I was feeding, my milk came. It reminded me about my son and daughter, that I didn't want them to grow up without a mum around like I had for part of my life and I just got down. Then I cried and cried and cried. I knew I had to be there to help my kids. I didn't want them thinking I'd killed myself because I didn't love them enough.

"When I got home I picked up my baby and son and cuddled them and said "I'll never let you down".

Helen's state of mind improved and over the coming years she raised a family, grew the business and opened her own restaurant in Elland, West Yorkshire.

"Even though I turned the business around from £800 to £5,000 a week it wasn't good enough - rent was high and there were problems with staff and the landlord so I had to let it go."

Next up was a wine bar in Doncaster. But that also ran into problems and Helen quit. It was at this time she was declared bankrupt and during a court battle to save her business, the depression took hold once more.

"I was diagnosed with diabetes and developed other complications like high blood pressure, high cholesterol and asthma. I stayed at home isolating myself from everyone. I felt so low and couldn't motivate myself to do anything.

"My doctor diagnosed depression and prescribed medication and it took me about eight months to feel better but I'm on a low dose of antidepressants."

The future is now bright for Helen whose recovery from depression has allowed her to examine her life carefully.

"I'm full of positivity now. I love helping my uncle Martin Ng at Wong Ting and I've got a lot to look forward to.

"My solicitor Simmy Sekhon kept me going through my darkest days after bankruptcy. He's the one who has really helped me see the future. He's encouraged me to study and introduced me to Law. I've shadowed his trainee solicitor Younis and there's a job waiting for me at his offices in Bradford when I qualify.

"Some people say 'why do you want to go to university at 46?' but it's about much more than studying now. It's about showing people I can do it. It's been a dream that's kept me going since I was a child. I know I can do it - I've come this far, now it's just a matter of proving it."

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