MOTORMOUTH Janet Street-Porter, in Barnsley last week, gave the Diary's spy her thoughts on plastic surgery. It seems we're safe.

"What you see is what you get. I'm never going to look like Demi Moore because I haven't spent a quarter of a million quid sorting the backs of my knees out," she said.

"I did go and see a plastic surgeon about having the bags under my eyes done but he was so patronising and repulsive.

"I thought "You know what? For £7,000, I could get my garden re-landscaped.

Post haste to spend a penny

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WORTLEY is a pretty village but that doesn't help if you're caught short. There aren't any public toilets

And postmistress Ann Hartle hates turning people down when they want to spend a penny and come to her in desperation.

"There are toilets in the cafe upstairs but it doesn't open until 10.30am and you have to buy something. The pub doesn't open until lunchtime," she says.

She's just made her annual plea to the parish meeting for a public loo, even offering to open and close it herself.

Ann can't have people roaming about her house, which is also a B&B, for security reasons although small children have gone under escort in dire emergencies.

"We get a lot of walkers but the parish council can't see it bringing any benefit to the village," she sighs.

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