It said our gas meter had had a long and useful life and now it was time for it to retire.

They wanted to give us a brand new meter and proposed to call on such and such a day. If it was not convenient, could we give them a bell?

They didn't quite put it like that but you know what I mean.

Now I have had trouble in the past with the gas and electricity people.

When we first moved in I rang to tell the electricity board of the fact, complete with our meter reading.

They said they had no record of a meter at our house.

That's all right with us, I said. You won't be sending us a bill then.

They soon sorted out that little difficulty.

The man at the gas board started off being friendly until I asked what time their chap would be calling so we could have the kettle on.

No, said the man, they couldn't give me a time, just the day.

There was a considered pause my end.

It would help if we could narrow it down a bit. Shall we say after 4pm? We both work but one of us could bunk off early to be in for the gas meter man.

No deal.

There was another pause my end.

Now let me get this clear. Does the gas meter belong to you or to me?

It belongs to us, Mr Dawes.

Right. So you want one of US to be in all day at considerable inconvenience to ourselves, so you can change YOUR gas meter at a time YOU refuse to tell me?

Yes.

Well, as we're doing you a favour, don't you reckon it would be a good idea for YOU to fit in with US.

Now you might have guessed from the words in capital letters that I wasn't too happy about this.

And we had reached stalemate, a showdown over the therms. Who would blink first?

There was another exchange and I heard the sound of a phone being put down.

Now the reason I was being firm was that past experience has shown that whenever the gas or electricity want to call at first they play tough and then they bargain with you.

This usually happens when they've got fed up with estimated readings and customer readings and want to see for themselves. They're not supposed to do that but they do, so don't tell anyone.

It would, of course, be a lot easier if we all had outside meters. There was once a story about that in The Star which inspired my favourite headline of all time: How To Be In When You're Out.

I like to think our gas meter enjoyed its reprieve, tucked away in the corner of a cellar because it kept up the good work, its little dials whizzing around costing us a fortune.

Months rolled by. The world didn't end because they hadn't changed our meter. And then we got another letter.

Just the same as the first.

They didn't mention the first failed encounter and I wasn't going to bring it up.

I rang to say they would have to take their chance because my wife was planning to be in that day but she did have to go out for an urgent appointment.

And do you know, they came when we were in.

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