I cannot be doing with falsies.
Girls young enough to be my daughter adore them - and the bigger the better.
I’m talking eyelashes, those spider-like fake flutterers everyone under 50 seems to be going mad for.
I would love to have long, sweeping lashes. I get lash envy every time I see a mascara advert. But mine are so short and ultra-straight, mascara can only ever enhance them marginally. Even eyelash-curlers don’t work for me; it’s virtually impossible to trap my teeny lashes between the clamping irons.
False lashes? Way too big. I tried some once and looked like Aunt Sally.
But an old-fashioned hairdressing technique is now making new waves in the beauty business - and I’m hooked.
Eyelash perming; it’s the future as far as I’m concerned. Highly experienced beauty therapist and trainer Lucy Scholfield invited me to curl up at her salon in The Vault Hair studio in the Cathedral Yard. I was dubious; real perming solution is used.
But Lucy, who worked as a beautician aboard Virgin airlines and taught techniques at local schools and colleges for years, assured me I was in safe hands.
Selecting her tiniest perming rods - fine plastic tubes with a sticky coating - she rolled up my naked lashes and deftly applied a tiny amount of solution (at a special low-strength, suitable for eyes).
After 10 minutes, it was time for a neutralising solution to be applied, followed by conditioner. I dimly remember this process - and the impatience of waiting to see the end result - from the days of my 70s shag perm. Though after almost four decades of broken promises from the mascara brands, I had zero expectation.
But lo, one stroke of my regular Boots No7 and my lashes looked like they never had before - i.e. visible. The curling process had opened them up and given them a new lease of life - all for £20.
The effect only lasts up to six weeks, though, so I am going to have to control my new addiction.